Government to only pay Sickness Benefit for 1970s afflictions

by workshyscrounger

I just hope it won’t give IDS new ideas. On the other hand, he is actually trying to push us straight back to Victorian times so the measures suggested here will be too tame for his liking.

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Iain Duncan Smith has announced this morning that sickness benefit will only be available for 1970s illnesses in part of further changes to the benefits system.

“There was none of this long term sickness in the 1970s” he explained to a press conference, “people merely went to bed for a few days with a box of tissues and some Lucozade. And then they got better. Or died. At least that’s how I remember it. And that’s what we have to get back to.”

“We’re drastically changing the way sickness benefit is calculated” Mr Duncan Smith continued, “each claimant will be required to have a short consultation with a 1970s style Doctor with bushy side burns. They’ll be asked to stick their tongue out and say ‘aah’ and the doctor will hit their knee with a small mallet. If the Doctor diagnoses a 1970s affliction such as measles then we’ll give…

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